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The loss of a loved one is the single most stressful
thing that can happen to a person. This is a time to be aware of
increased vulnerability and the need to take great care of yourself.
Because of this increased stress and vulnerability, health problems
appear more often during a bereavement period.
By taking care of ourselves and practicing "stress
management," we can decrease the physical and emotional wear and
tear that stress can cause. There are five components of stress
management: Good Nutrition; Sleep; Physical Exercise; Being Kind
to Yourself; and Relaxation.
Good Nutrition
Changes in eating habits are normal during a period
of grief. It is important to realize that your body is undergoing
a lot of stress from the demands of grief work. Even though you
may not feel like eating, you need the energy provided by balanced,
nutritious meals. It may be hard to cook for yourself. To benefit
your own healing, it is important to eat regular, balanced meals,
and to get the vitamins you need.
Increasing your protein intake will helps during stressful
times. It is also important to increase the intake of calcium (milk and cheese products)
and potassium (bananas, baked potatoes, oranges); each helps to
combat stress. Consider a B vitamin or a multi-stress vitamin as
a daily supplement. Avoid "junk foods" and empty calories.
Sleep
People frequently have difficulty sleeping during
a period of bereavement. It is important to get adequate rest. If
you feel extra sleep is necessary, go to bed earlier. Experts say
that taking a vacation from the alarm clock on weekends can upset
the body's sleep rhythms all week long. Make bedtime the final stage
of a regular evening ritual. Walk the dog, watch T.V. or read a
book. The activity is less critical than sticking to the same routine
night after night. You'll sleep sounder after a late afternoon workout.
Avoid any heavy-duty exertion just prior to bedtime.
Avoid the "big three"- caffeine, alcohol and tobacco.
All of these upset sleep, even if you find them "relaxing." Alcohol
may make you tired, actually, it reduces the quality o your sleep. Caffeine
and tobacco may interfere with sleep. Remember that many soft drinks,
as well as tea and chocolate contain caffeine.
Stress is the number one enemy of sleep. Relaxation
training can help derail a lot of disturbing thoughts and ease tight
muscles that make it hard to sleep soundly.
A low-protein, high carbohydrate snack before bedtime
often shortens the time it takes to fall asleep. Remember, if
you are on a special diet, to be sure to consult your physician or
nutritionist about changes in your diet.
For insomnia lasting up to three weeks, or during
illness or during bereavement, sleeping pills may be medically necessary.
Your physician will provide directions for taking sleeping pills.
Some people find that if they take a pill for only a night or two
their sleep patterns will return to normal. Next-day effects may
include poor memory, lack of concentration, drowsiness, dizziness, lack
of coordination and/or digestive woes. Be sure to consult your physician
before taking such medicines.
Physical Exercise
Moderate, regular exercise helps relieve tension
and elevate one's mood. Don't take on anything too strenuous,
rather, have a regular planned activity, such as swimming, walking
or bike riding that will help loosen tense muscles and increase
your sense of well-being. Walking with a friend provides an opportunity
to share feelings as well and can be excellent therapy. The local
health clubs have many excellent exercise programs for all ages
and ability levels.
Be Kind to Yourself
Emotional injury can often require even more healing
than physical injury. It is normal for low periods to become depressions
during a period of grieving. These are normal responses as long
as they do not continue for an extended period of time. Here are some suggestions for helping yourself through a
depression:
- Do some regular exercise
- Try to maintain good eating and sleeping habits.
- Go out to eat with friends.
- Engage in a distracting activity, such as reading, watching
TV or a movie, visiting the park, shopping, etc.
- Engage in comfort-seeking activities, such as talking with a
friend, your pastor or your doctor, praying, writing letters or
having a massage.
- Engage in constructive or creative activities, such as setting
small goals that can be achieved every day, planning something
for the future, planting flowers, painting, drawing, sewing
or quilting.
- Do one good thing for yourself each day; do some needed chores;
help out someone else; pay attention to your personal appearance.
You will feel better when you look better.
- Engage in contemplative activities, such as listening to music,
getting some sun, visiting the countryside, or just taking a bath.
Relaxation
Only you know what places, situations and/or people
help you to relax the best. Here are some general guidelines
that you may find helpful.
When we're tense, our breathing becomes shallow.
When a person is weighted down with strong and painful feelings,
he or she often breathes improperly, depriving the brain of necessary
oxygen. Taking slow, deep breaths is a good way to ease your tension
and resume proper breathing. Place your hand on your diaphragm (just
below the rib cage and above the stomach). Take a deep breath through
your nose. As you inhale, you should feel your hand pushed outward.
Exhale through your mouth. Repeat this exercise until your breathing
is deep and regular.
To relieve tension in your body try this exercise.
In a comfortable surrounding, try tensing and relaxing each muscle
group in turn, staring with your feet and working up to your head.
Be aware of knots of tension in your body. Practice slow, deep breathing.
The greatest healer and stress reducer will be
the love of those around you. Allow others the privilege of helping
you through this difficult time. Spend time alone with God in quiet contemplation, or share
your anger, fears and needs for all are welcome.
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