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St. Mary's Adult Bereavement Support Group
The death of a loved one may be difficult, especially in the days and months after the loss. Meeting with others who have also experienced a death in their family can offer help and hope. We invite you to consider one of our confidential bereavement support groups. The groups are facilitated by a trained support leader.
Groups are scheduled throughout the year in 6 week sessions (Jan/Feb, April/May, Sept/Oct). Registration is required. There is no fee. For further information contact Chaplain Lori Hilbrich in the Spiritual Care Department at 816-228-5900 Ext. #4256 or 816-655-5490.
Feminine and Masculine Styles of Grief
Grief energy is converted into emotional, cognitive,
physical and spiritual domains of human experience. How much energy
is converted into the various domains varies among individuals and
situations. The expression of the inner grief experience can be
quite varied. Crying, sleep disturbances, loss of appetite or searching
behaviors are common expressions of grief. Other observable behaviors
might include restless overactivity, social withdrawal or a loss
of interest in activities that the griever previously enjoyed.
The emotional and cognitive modalities of the grief
experience are most useful in discriminating between masculine and
feminine grief. These modalities might best be viewed as lying along
a continuum. The feminine griever typically invests more energy
towards the emotional end of the continuum, while masculine griever
allocates more energy towards the cognitive. Note: Your style of
grief may or may not directly correspond with your gender. Thus,
some women may exhibit a more masculine or cognitive style of grief,
and some men may exhibit more emotion than cognition while they
are grieving.
Effective Adaptive Strategies for Feminine
Style Grievers:
- Joining support groups
- Identifying others in their environment as sources of support
and understanding
- Allowing time for fully experiencing inner pain
- Openly expressing feelings
- Temporarily withdrawing from, or limiting, obligations that
might interfere with their ability to experience and express their
feelings
- Choosing other mediums for the expression of feelings (i.e.
keeping a journal, bibliotherapy)
Effective Adaptive Strategies for Masculine
Style Grievers:
- Shelving thoughts and feelings in order to meet obligations,
then "dosing" them when it is appropriate.
- Choosing active means of expressing grief (ie: physical exercise,
competitive sports, hobbies, creating a memorial)
- Using humor or other ways of expressing feelings (but managing
anger and aggression)
- Seeking companionship (in lieu of support)
- Using solitude as a way of reflection, adaptation
- Bibliotherapy, maintaining a journal.
The key point is that you choose an adaptive strategy
that works for you; don't let others choose them for you!
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